May of 2023, my husband and I decided to officially leave our home state. The place where I was born and raised. The place where all of my close family resides. The place that holds key places & landmarks that unlock so many core memories for me. My comfort zone.

To say that this was an easy decision would be a far cry from the truth. To keep it completely real, this move was something that I fought tooth and nail from the beginning. My husband would bring the subject up and I would immediately combat it with all of the things that could go wrong. The first being “I don’t wan’t to be out of the will of God.” Eventually, he started catching on and started using the same words that I would say to him whenever he was facing a difficult decision; “There’s no mistake that we can make, that God can’t fix”. Those very same words play over and over in my mind when I’m doubting that we’re where we’re supposed to be.

Granted, my husband is not a man that likes change. Hearing these words from him gave me only a small sense of comfort knowing that deep down he was feeling the same sense of uncertainty and doubt that I was. Needless to say, after spending time praying and fasting, we made the move.

I would be lying if I told you that I am completely certain that this was the right decision. I would be lying if I said that all is peachy. I would also be lying if I didn’t say that we have both received opportunities that we more than likely wouldn’t have been presented in Miami. And although the things that I left behind were some of the most important things and people in my life, I’m yearning for more, bigger and better.

To sum it all up, I’m genuinely seeking the face of God to go deeper than I’ve ever went before, to experience an encounter with Him that will change me from the inside out. I want to experience the words in the Bible, off the pages, if you get my drift. I want to walk in a level of freedom in Christ that will push me to walk boldly and go forth in His name. Let me not leave out that my spirit is craving for holy and genuine friendships; for community and for accountability. In a world where everyone is screaming that they don’t need friends, that’s not my story. We were not meant to be alone.

I’m believing for God to do what He does best and align things as they are supposed to be. If you’re in your waiting season, keep the faith! While we’re waiting on God, let’s speak to the mountains that need to be moved. Let’s speak hope to the fears that may be creeping in. For God is not a man that He should lie. Amen? Amen.

Looking back, there are so many times that I’ve found myself saying this exact same phrase, and if I’m honest, it’s usually after I’ve been away from His presence for a while, or when I’ve allowed the things that I’ve been struggling with to take control over my life. When this happens, I start reading my Bible, listening to a sermon or two and playing a little Gospel music. You can’t tell me that I don’t have it under control. All in all, it lasts about a good 3 days before I’m back to sobbing “Dear God, It’s Me Again.” Sound familiar?

If you can really relate, you know that each time feels worse than the last. It feels like you can just never get things right. Almost like you’re just one big disappointment after another. There’s times I can remember vividly crying out to God about correcting my attitude, healing my emotional wounds, creating a clean heart in me, etc., just to turn around and face challenges with the same things that I’ve laid at His feet. See during times like this, the enemy makes you think that God doesn’t hear you. That you are all alone and that no one understands what you’re going through. This couldn’t be further from the truth.

See, the devil comes to steal, kill and destroy, and if we’re not careful, we will help him do his job. Feelings of despair, loss of hope and feelings of shame brings isolation and keeps you from those people in your corner that can help bring you out of this dark place. 

Intimacy was created as a safe place for you and me. A place of Intimacy to share, shed, and grow with others so that you’ll never have to do it alone. A place where you can be you, but with accountability and encouragement.

My next “Dear God, Its Me Again” moment is not because I’ve fallen short, but instead for the blessing that being intimate with Him and you will bring. Until next time.

Intimately,

Yaz

2020. What can I say? I mean honestly what IS there to say? Lol. I feel like there’s a general consensus that this was definitely a year for the books. As much as I want to dwell on all of the negative things that has happened over the course of this year, it would be an injustice to leave out that there was some good.

Let’s start from the beginning. Just like you, I ended 2019 with a list of things I wanted to leave behind. I committed this list to memory and I felt that I had decided to walk away from the things and people that I knew were hindering me from moving forward. I rehearsed this list in my mind and had given it to God in prayer. I was pumped and ready for whatever was to come. I made the decision in my mind that I would leave these things behind, but not in my heart. 

So fast forward to January 1, 2020. I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. It’s literally like all hell had broken loose. I was irritable, cranky, having negative thoughts, feeling sad, depressed, oppressed, you name it. I couldn’t pinpoint where these feelings were coming from especially after I had “changed my life”. I mean that’s what I did right? I made a list in my mind, prayed about it and went on about my day. That’s all I needed to do right?

Wrong. Making New Year’s resolutions wasn’t the problem. It was the fact that instead of DEALING with the problems/issues and pains that I was trying to leave behind, I ignorantly tried to sweep them under the rug instead of bringing them to the light. That’s what we do when we fail to talk about things that bother us. We tend to hold on to the hurtful things that people say or do that they never take accountability for; the words that we ourselves have uttered that we knew weren’t right; harboring unforgiveness and bitterness towards things and people that have scarred us so deep that we need a bulldozer to dig it up. You can’t effectively heal from the past by “letting the past be the past”. You can change your mindset all day long, but if your heart isn’t changed, the same obstacles and trials will continue to come just to show you that those same feelings, emotions and behaviors are still there and in fact, you haven’t “changed” at all. 

When you haven’t had a heart change, it doesn’t take much for the “old” you to come out. Ask me how I know. Throughout the year, those same feelings, attitudes and behaviors that I vowed to leave behind, resurfaced. It’s literally like having a war in your mind. One side is telling you to put on a front that everything is fine, but the other side is saying, address it, talk it over, bring it to light. I struggled between the two for fear that I would be “too sensitive” or “in my feelings”. I allowed other’s to dictate how I should feel and whether or not my feelings were valid. I will NEVER allow anyone the power to make me feel that my feelings and emotions are irrelevant and neither should you. 

I suffered in silence for so long. To be honest, I’ve had many sleepless nights, many nights of crying out to God in prayer, seeking advice from other sisters in the faith and just plain walking in misery. This is not God’s will! It takes an emotionally mature person to realize that just because you have a difference of opinion, doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t take another persons feelings into consideration. Everyone is not there yet and it took me a long time to comprehend this. Don’t spend time wrestling with a person who’s intent on walking in pride, is not teachable, easily influenced by the opinion of others and who blatantly wants to have this mindset. Only God can change the heart of man and the best thing to do is to distance yourself and pray for them from afar so that your heart will not be hardened. 

When someone truly loves you, what matters to you, should matter to them. I pray for God to surround us all with people that are intentional on being compassionate. loving and willing to show more grace, while we are the same in return. ♥ 

Intimately, 

Yaz

It’s been a while. A long while! I’ve missed you guys so much! It’s been months since I’ve written but there isn’t a day, moment or second that I haven’t thought about it! I don’t even know where to begin, but I guess the beginning is as good a place as any. 

So the last time that I wrote a post was back in November. So many things have changed since then. It’s so cliche to say, but it’s all a part of life right? I’ve faced so many silent trials and tribulations but I’m still standing! I’m sure you can relate. Not just in my life, but the whole world has changed right before my eyes and it’s only taken what seems like a matter of minutes. It’s scary and in some ways, it’s been a blessing.

For those that don’t know, I launched my online boutique Lighthouse Array on November 11. I call it a mini “Macy’s”. So exciting and terrifying in the same breath! I remember having the same exact dream twice, but months apart. Like most of us, I questioned this dream and asked for a thousand and one signs of confirmation to go forward. Fear will have you stuck. Here I am with a vision but too scared to move. Nevertheless, I received a push from a sister in Christ and years later, I started on what God called me to do. Throughout the process, I went through (and still) a roller coaster of emotions. One day I’m certain that God has called me to do this and I welcome the challenges. On other days, I struggle with my place in the entrepreneurship industry and I feel so lost. It’s hard to really put into words, but how can you be so sure one minute and doubtful the next? EASY, sis, so easy. Don’t ever think for one minute that just because God has blessed you with a dream, vision, job, marriage, child etc., that the enemy is not after your blessing and that in some way, shape or form it won’t come under attack. He comes to kill, steal and destroy and he won’t let up! But God is FAITHFUL.

Speaking of vision, I entered 2020 with what I KNEW was 2020 vision for my life. I made plans for what my job would entail. What my marriage would be like. Goals and aspirations galore. You know how it goes. “New year, new me.” I had all kinds of resolutions in the works just to get stopped in my tracks. I experienced one of the most heart wrenching things in life. One of those things that the best way to describe it is to simply say that I felt like the wind was taken out of my lungs. It hurt me to my soul and when God allows, I’ll release it. In the meantime, I continue daily through the process of healing, of building myself back up and moving forward. But God is FAITHFUL.

Through all of the ups and downs with life, spiritually I’ve taken an “L” too. I struggle with reading my word, with laying prostrate before God and letting Him have His way with me. I miss those days and I can’t even say that life and all of it’s problems have taken me away from that, I’ll just say that the fire I once had has dimmed, but it is not put out! I thank God that He knows me better than I know myself. I thank God that He sees the desires of my heart to be in His will. I thank God that nothing can separate me from His love. 

I ask that you genuinely keep me in your prayers and that I walk in what God has called me too, with boldness and authority. I’ll do the same for you! I’m back, and although I may not be where I want to be, I’m right where I’m supposed to be, taking life, trials and tribulations, one day at a time.

Intimately,

Yaz

Sometimes I wonder if God ever just sits on His throne and shakes His head in sorrow at all the times we continue to go around in the same circle. Like picture it, we get tested in an area and God provides a way of escape and instead of taking the way out, we choose to do the exact opposite. Can you imagine giving your child the very best option to get out of danger and they blatantly tell you “It’s my choice” as they head to their death? 

Ultimately this is us. I believe that we cause so much pain and grief to the Father when we walk outside of His will. Partial obedience is still disobedience, no matter how you look at it. We justify and make all types of excuses as to why we don’t do what we know to be the right thing. God requires so much more of us, us being believers and followers of Christ. He calls us to be different, to walk in love, to genuinely be kind and gentle towards one another and to carry one another’s burdens. Can you honestly say that you are walking in this calling?

Because I am always intimate in my posts, I can honestly say that I haven’t walked fully in how God has called us to be. No matter how many times God has provided a way of escape, I have always chosen to do what seemed easier at the time, which was to satisfy my flesh and my emotions. It’s time to crucify our flesh and to live for God wholeheartedly; to leave behind the things that we hold on to that are hindering us. It hurts, but it’s worth it. In this walk, you have to be teachable and open for correction. How can we say that we love God but we daily make a choice to live how we want to live (using foul language, harboring unforgiveness, bitterness, rejecting others, etc.) even though it’s contrary to His word?

I know that God was talking to me during Sunday’s night service and I know that I can no longer be caught between two opinions. I decided that night that I would live for God wholeheartedly by laying down all the heaviness and burdens at His feet and by making a conscious effort to walk in love daily. It seems like every other minute I am repeating “Walk in love”, but I have to do whatever it takes! If you are in the same boat, it’s ok sis! We can move forward together. We can’t change the past but once we sincerely repent and turn away from being disobedient, we can move forward with a pure heart. We have to give our very best to God because nothing else will do. 

Intimately,

Yaz

In a world of uncertainty, the only thing that remains the same is God and His love for us. There is nothing we can do to separate us from the love of God. The Bible declares that even if we make our bed in Hell, He will be with us. Knowing this, in the midst of situations, I still find myself looking for God in the daytime with a flashlight, wondering if He sees or if He knows what I’m going through.

The truth of the matter is, God is there. He’s always there. In different seasons of our life, God shows up as what we NEED and not what we WANT and He considers even the smallest of things. The Bible says that God knows how many hairs we have on our head. Why wouldn’t He take notice of the very things that keeps us woke at night, the things that hinders us, or the things that even hurts our feelings?

God knows when we are down to our very last cent and He becomes Jehovah-Jireh, our provider. He knows when we are sick in our bodies and in need of healing, for He becomes Jehovah-Rapha. Its at the darkest hour, at the point of feeling defeat or loss and no one is around, that God becomes Jehovah Shalom, our peace. 

It’s also at these very difficult times in our lives, we can take rest and be assured that God knows what’s best and that He will be faithful to meet us at all of our needs. If you are certain of nothing else, be still and know that God is in control. 

Intimately,

Yaz

One area that the enemy always attacks me in is the area of offense. 

But not just by anybody. It’s a lot harder for a stranger to offend you then someone near and dear to your heart. I ran across something that indirectly was meant to be offensive and instantly I wanted to lace up my “petty” boots and respond. And this is where I failed. My spirit is willing but my flesh is weak. My first instinct shouldn’t have been to respond, but instead I should have thought to pray and guard my heart. I allowed this incident to change my whole way of thinking, my emotions, my feelings, etc. Why did this bother me so bad? Was I overthinking? I pondered on this thing for days because it hurt my feelings and confused me. I couldn’t understand where this was coming from. So what did I do?

I prayed about it. I prayed for God to reveal to me the right way to handle the situation. I thought that offense was something that was removed from my heart, but God used this situation to show me that I had let my guard down and that offense was still there. 

Just like a furnace is used to test metals, the trials and tribulations of life are used to test us and reveal things that may still be rooted in our heart. 

You are always tested in the area that you are the weakest in and the enemy is always on his job to exploit that weakness. We have a duty to guard and protect our heart from people that don’t know how to handle it. Remove yourself from people that are reckless with their words. Still act in love and still do good. Do whatever needs to be done until you are strong enough to not let others behavior cause you to want to sin. Pray for those that have offended you. I’m able to hold my head up high and move forward knowing that all things work together for my good and that God is in control. Stay guarded and stay encouraged sis! It gets greater later! 🙂

Intimately,

Yaz 

So I’ve been gone for a while, but I missed you guys though! Lol. Where have I been?? Well I unpublished my blog site and took some time to try to figure things out, work on me and draw closer to God. We all need time for self-reflection and if you’re not careful, you’ll start running on empty. That’s exactly the state that I was in. Not so much now, but I was there. Feeling overwhelmed, purposeless, not sure of which way to go and just down right confused. During this time, I went through a fluctuation of emotions and I wouldn’t be honest or “intimate” if I didn’t say that I still feel some of those emotions till this very day. I hear people say that life is challenging but worth it. I’m sure it is, but life is also downright hard, draining and sometimes lonely. 

During the past couple of weeks, I decided to sit and map out where I went wrong and how I let myself get so far from where I was or where I felt the need to be. I realized that one of THE most important things I had gotten out of routine with, was spending alone time with God. I was attending church on Sunday’s and Bible Study almost 3 times a week, but where was my intimate and alone time with the Father? I came to notice that I was relying on a word from the fruit of the Pastor’s labor. I would attend these meetings and get full, then get back home and be empty all over again. So what did I decide to do?

One day, I was sitting in church listening to the message, and I made up in my mind that I would prioritize the way I had been dealing with things, to get back on one accord with God and to focus on being Kingdom minded again. When I first got saved, I would have to be at work at 7am, but I would get up at 5am and lay out before God to pray and set the atmosphere for my day. I would begin with praise and worship, prayer and then study the Bible. By the time my hour was done, I was war ready; covered and shielded by the full armor of God. I made a vow to God that for 21 days I would get back to getting up at 5am and laying out an hour before Him. And guess what? I have been sticking to it; tired, sleepy, weekends, days off and all. I’m determined to get refocused on the things that really matter, the things up above. 

I’m back, focused and more determined than before and you can be too! If God has laid it on your heart to return back to your first love, to spend more time with Him, go for it! No more excuses. Pray and ask God to reveal a time for you to spend alone with Him and journal your experiences, thoughts, emotions, etc. Email me at intimacyinc@yahoo.com and share your testimonies, stories, words of encouragement, prayer requests and more. Let’s hold each other accountable and rise up to our rightful places as Kingdom Citizens!

Intimately,

Yaz

I recently ran across a meme on Facebook that said “Sis check yourself, sometimes the problem is you.” I cringed after I read it because it hit home and it hurt, but then again, the truth normally does. 

I went through most of life blaming failed relationships and failed friendships on the other party involved. It was so easy to not be accountable for my actions and words. The miscommunication, my own toxic thinking, the feeling of rejection and my insecurities (just to name a few) all played a part in the mishaps. You see, these are the things that I was too embarrassed to admit; things that I was too ashamed to expose. 

The gag is, all those different things were fed by feelings and if you don’t know, feelings constantly change. The Bible says in Matthew 7:5, to cast the beam out of our own eye and then will we see clearly to remove the mote out of our brother’s eye. In today’s lingo, we would say “Sweep in front of your own front door before picking up garbage off of your neighbors welcome mat.” So what does this really mean? 

It took for me to experience mishap after mishap, strife in every area of life, bumping my head into the wall, etc. to realize that I was the common denominator; that something (or some things) needed to change. I FINALLY began to understand that no matter what was said or done to me, I was only responsible for how I reacted. It hurt but it also humbled me. 

It takes maturity to really sit and take a look at the person you are. God is not impressed with how we dress, how we are able to balance life and work or how successful we are at business. He looks at the heart. What’s hidden in your heart? 

Intimately,

Yaz

From as far back as I can remember, up until recently, I have always felt out of place. Always. I remember times of being surrounded by people, yet still feeling all alone. I spent the majority of my childhood and adulthood trying to fit in not realizing that I was born to stand out. I’ve always recognized that something was missing, but I was never able to put my finger on it. 

That is until one day, I was sitting underneath a tree waiting for a church service to start and I began to pray and talk to God. My heart was so heavy with emotion and to be honest, absolutely nothing in my life was wrong. I started to write a letter to God. (I have always been able to be so free with God and share with Him things that would make me feel uncomfortable sharing with friends and family.) I begin to tell God how alone I felt. I expressed to Him that although I had people to encourage me, pray for me, love me, I still felt like I didn’t. I knew that God would understand even though I couldn’t understand it myself.

It was during some of the roughest moments in my life that no one was around and I was “lonely”. I prided myself on being there for everyone else, but when it was my turn, I had no one. (Or so I thought.) I allowed my heart to harden because of my dependency on people. I expected people to drop what they were doing to fulfill my need. I expected people to put in as much effort as I did; for relationships to be two sided. I expected people to be as mindful of me as I was of them. You can say it. I expected too much! 

I believe that God was training me (and still is) on how to depend on Him wholeheartedly. He allowed for me to have no one during certain seasons of my life because I needed to hear His voice. I needed to be guided and led by Him and not other people’s opinions or my emotions. Only God knows the full plans that He has for our lives and sometimes we can get advice from others that will unintentionally take us in the opposite direction. “Alone” seasons or as I like to call them now, “silent” seasons are to help us grow and to mature in God. To be able to trust God how we trust Google. Lol. But seriously, life lessons come in different ways, shapes and forms but however they come, guard your heart and trust that all things will work out for your good! 

Intimately,

Yaz