From as far back as I can remember, up until recently, I have always felt out of place. Always. I remember times of being surrounded by people, yet still feeling all alone. I spent the majority of my childhood and adulthood trying to fit in not realizing that I was born to stand out. I’ve always recognized that something was missing, but I was never able to put my finger on it.
That is until one day, I was sitting underneath a tree waiting for a church service to start and I began to pray and talk to God. My heart was so heavy with emotion and to be honest, absolutely nothing in my life was wrong. I started to write a letter to God. (I have always been able to be so free with God and share with Him things that would make me feel uncomfortable sharing with friends and family.) I begin to tell God how alone I felt. I expressed to Him that although I had people to encourage me, pray for me, love me, I still felt like I didn’t. I knew that God would understand even though I couldn’t understand it myself.
It was during some of the roughest moments in my life that no one was around and I was “lonely”. I prided myself on being there for everyone else, but when it was my turn, I had no one. (Or so I thought.) I allowed my heart to harden because of my dependency on people. I expected people to drop what they were doing to fulfill my need. I expected people to put in as much effort as I did; for relationships to be two sided. I expected people to be as mindful of me as I was of them. You can say it. I expected too much!
I believe that God was training me (and still is) on how to depend on Him wholeheartedly. He allowed for me to have no one during certain seasons of my life because I needed to hear His voice. I needed to be guided and led by Him and not other people’s opinions or my emotions. Only God knows the full plans that He has for our lives and sometimes we can get advice from others that will unintentionally take us in the opposite direction. “Alone” seasons or as I like to call them now, “silent” seasons are to help us grow and to mature in God. To be able to trust God how we trust Google. Lol. But seriously, life lessons come in different ways, shapes and forms but however they come, guard your heart and trust that all things will work out for your good!
Intimately,
Yaz
Intimacy Inc. 